May 16, 2013

Mental exhaustion

I am tired mentally for searching what I want. I feel useless after years spent in countless hours at night time when my kids fall asleep to read pages of course notes. After I completed the study. Nothing memorized in my head. Everything just accomplished for a piece of certificate that is even not giving me any chance to contribute what I have learn. Sometimes I feel it is unfair. I feel I have been cursed for all those happened in in between 2001 - 2004.

Apr 15, 2012

Bloggin' should be on again now

It is almost end of the Winter semester. In 4 days I will have a final exam.. I am in the middle of its preparation. I am missing someone's presence now..
oh well.. it's an interesting experience I would say.. I enjoy it though..

I can continue writing now.. many feeling just mixed up in my mind now..
Bloggie, I have to stop now.. can;t keep dancing my fingers on the keyboard.. things are just  stucked.. feel nervous about something which is uncertain, blurred..

Jan 2, 2011

Ohh campus life, I am back

Tomorrow, the third day of 2011 will be my first day to school.. (again) 
Well, should be more than enough to have a 3 week break. I know, it is a week earlier than the semester schedule as I am taking a block week course on Professional  Practise for Geoscientists mainly given by APEGGA member. The course outline is quite interesting.. at least to me.

Ohh.. I really wanna write me here.. but I have nothing really important or let say interesting in my mind..
It has been long not posting any thing here though so many things happened in last 2010 which is just left a couple day ago..  my energy been wasted (sorry kids, been spent) to kids... to house errands..
sometimes it├Ęs like never ending work, there is always something to be done..

OK, promise I will write even just a single word, at the worst situation with blank idea to write.. 

bye blog..

Jan 9, 2010

Lucky cookie idea

Opening fortune cookies is fun part using Facebook. I have become a fan of it since last year..
At the beginning, no day without opening and publishing it on my profile wall. My friends gave some comments on it, encouraging each other. Then, after a while it no longer gave fun as the message are mostly repetitive, unreasonable and I got bored.

But I just did open it.. well it inspires me to get idea to write in this blog, especially if I wanna participate in Napoblomo and hopeless with no idea to write. Well, not not signed up yet though.. possibly next month. Thsi month I will see how productive I can write.

Dec 23, 2009

White holiday

This week, he will be home on Wed evening. Not many activities in the plant he said, I'd better work from home. I don't think he can work from home with 2 kids bugging him around all the times, espesially Rafee.
Weather wise, this weekend, we'll have sunny day, lucky, with white ground enough to make people who celebrate X'mas in classic mode excited than with dry brown grown. Warm enough for people staying outside waiting for electronic shop doors opened in the early morning on crazy boxing day sale. I am still sane, never willing to do that.

We have two gathering invitation, one dinner from Rashed's friend and one luncheon from my Indonesian girlfriend. Last year we got none.

2009 almost ends. Welcome 2010, I am so excited about it, many plans to arrange.. Rafee will start his playschool, I need to extend my PR card, register him to preschool, preparing for vacation to Indonesia, get back to my study. And so on... 

Dec 21, 2009

Happy Mother's Day

In Indonesia, Dec 22 is Hari Ibu, or Mother's Day. Most people back home will remember their mother. I am here just a new mother of one infant girl and a toddler boy, still trying to be a good mother which is not easy to me especially being here, nowhere land. I still adore, admire my mother in every second, every day. My thought is never far from her, though we are seperated miles away.
Ibu I love you always...

Dec 19, 2009

Ouchie shots

She turns 4 months 4 days ago and today she had 4 shots to get immunised.
She is still adorable and hope she'll will always be.
I can't keep even a minute away from her admiring her white pearly skin, so smooth .. Ohh she is a really blessing for us. I remember when I was still single, had a chance to hold someone's baby girl with unspoiled smooth like silk skin, typical baby skin..  daydream I wish to have my own baby like this..  and it came true...

Holding her in public health nurse's room, half naked just with her diaper on, she was happy, excited, giggle without knowing that shortly 4 needles will be poked on her chubby thigh. Then in seconds, the nurse gave me sign to be ready to hold her tighter.. then big cry out loud... "I know baby it hurts"
4 spots gave insignificant bleeding but I asked for bandage to cover it..  "It's okay I will peel them carefully without hurting her. I thought it's better to put the bandage on. She was still crying, sobbing. even in next 10 minutes. In her first vaccine, when she was 2 months old, she cried only short time, as I was able to soothe her by breastfeeding. But this time, she could not calm down, she even refused breast. Then I decided to take her home while she was still crying. Luckily, she felt asleep in the car. She is just too tired crying.

Dec 17, 2009


Yes, I love it's Thursday, even more than Friday... been enough tackled errands alone for 4 days 4 nights as he goes to work up north in the field. He's always back on Thursday night. I know, I let him work there. I said OK I can handle them, shouldn't be difficult. He is paid 20% more money there, even they give $245 cloth allowance per year, great saving for our next summer vacation.

This week, I have been busy browsing preschool for Rafee. Time flies so fast. Almost beginning of the 2010. He will start in September,10. I know, still long way to go but I don't wanna miss registration season. Like what happened last year.. he supposed to start preschool last year. But due to ignorant mommy he didn't, end up indulging himself at home, no learning at all. Well, it's o good at least he knows alphabet and number now. He talks too much tough.. I guess he's got more than 200 vocab now..
Back to the business, So far I have got narrowed down the school list with 2 options either near campus or home. Near campus, I found some good preschools. Near house well, it's so so, should be fine for preparing him to wait for K school.
I have figured out typical schedule of my courses so I can choose class schedule for him. So well done..

Dec 16, 2009

Bloggin' again

When I look at my webblog... appear to be outdated, first how it looks, profile picture ohh only with my son, I have my little girl now.. then last post not too bad about 4 months ago when my little one was born.. I think I may need to reconstruct the template, looks too crowdy too many things wanna be displayed, like those quotes, birthday meter ... but thinking about redesign the template, when I will have time, it's uncertain, when I can have time. Hmm, my be just leave it like that. As long as I have some ideas to keep posting is good enough.. sometimes I have mumblings, grumblings about all the happenings in my daily life not enough to be put in facebook status, better write it here..

Aug 15, 2009

Your birth day - August 15

It was just an ordinary Saturday. Mommy had terrible high blood pressure on Friday night. Tummy was quite tight. No idea what happened with you, baby. Did you give sign to mommy that you wanted to come earlier.

Mommy just took it easy. And that morning mommy as usual wrote status on FB, “wanna make rempeyek, peanut crackers even thought of cooking Indonesian beef curry”. Then nurse Wanda came to give NST and check BP. NST was good, you kicked a lot as usual. But BP numbers even were always high, constantly.

Nurse Wanda was not happy. Later on after she talked to doctors at PLC unit asked mommy to go to the unit to see Doctors to get prescription for BP. She even ensured that I won’t have earlier delivery.

Then after lunch daddy took mommy to hospital for assessment. Again another NST and they found >100 diastolic number. It was continuously high. Dr. Wagner who was on duty also check your position with USG station at the hospital, yes you are still breeching baby. They made blood work too, which is OK.

Dr. Wagner talked with mommy, she thought it’s time to deliver you as BP concerns. She suggested to deliver you with C-section. Though, it is also possible to reposition you to head down and then try to induce you for normal delivery. But negative side, it will take time and make you distressed with high BP and tired as she said normally premature baby will not be able to do labor. Mommy just can’t imagine how busy and tired you are inside when mommy trying to push you. It’s gonna be another torturing for you. No mommy won’t let you be that, you have been exhausted with my BP.

So mommy accept the decision. When mommy listened to Dr. Wagner’s explanation, it was so sensible, easy to understand. So mommy decided just to let you free.

Then 7.30pm, everything was ready for the surgery. Daddy came at 7pm. Your brother was OK at home. Things happened so fast in that room. Quickly after injected with epidural anesthetic, half part of mommy’s body become numb.

At 8pm, you were out of mommy ‘s tummy. Mommy saw your face, cute, hairy with red lips and huge nose like daddy’s.

Surgery took only 40 minutes. It was so fast.

Around 10pm mommy drop by to your unit 35BNICU. You were taken under heater but no hose for breathing. Just IV to stabilize your sugar blood level. Mommy was surprised with your progress.. You are doing really good at the beginning.